How to Holiday - Proof Your Relationship - As a sex therapist and founder of Good in Bed, 'tis the season for more new appointments than ever, and it will continue right through the new year. Expectations are high, along with the levels of stress and pressure, and all this month we’ll be talking about how to holiday-proof your relationship.
Start off by recognizing these "triggers," which can easily hijack emotions, escalate tensions and put a serious damper on all that good cheer.
Start off by recognizing these "triggers," which can easily hijack emotions, escalate tensions and put a serious damper on all that good cheer.
1. Watch Out for Your Inner Scrooge.
Money. It's the No. 1 cause of divorce, and the No. 1 cause of anxiety around the holidays, especially for men. From the pressure to buy a partner that special gift to all the various presents for family and friends, many men are dreading how the holidays will hit the bottom line. This is also a time of year when guys are already worried about bonuses, raises and general year-to-come finances, so our anxiety-level around money is already high. So work together to create a budget now, agree to it and stick to it. Talk through the strategy. Decide how much you can afford to spend on gifts and other items. Think about ways to get creative and spend less. Get on the same team around a holiday budget.
2. There's a Grinch Under That Smile.
Lots of guys tell me they feel an enormous pressure to be happy during the holidays, but inside they actually feel like the Grinch who stole Christmas. As a society, we have a cultural vision of how the holidays are supposed to be celebrated, but very few of us had that idealized experience growing up, and more than likely you're in a relationship with someone whose vision of the holidays is not the same as yours. Your ideal holiday might involve listening to carols, buying a giant Christmas tree and watching re-runs of Rudolph, but the person you're with finds that totally exasperating. Remember: Your way of celebrating the holidays is not the only way. Have a talk with your partner: "What do the holidays mean to you, what do they mean to me?" This isn't just for new couples. Issues that seem superficial -- like what size Christmas tree to buy -- actually strike at a psychological core based on how we experienced the holidays as children, and what seems simple is actually quite complex.
3. Watch Out for the Abominable Mother-in-Law.
During the holidays we're often thrust together for several days with our extended family. Conflicts are bound to occur and issues that are present become intensified. Couples often complain to me post-holiday about partners who didn't stand up for them --"as soon as he's in the room with his mother, he becomes a little boy again and takes her side on everything." During the holidays, one of the best gifts you can give to your partner is to protect him/her from toxic family members and defend him/her during clashes.
4. Don't Blame the Mistletoe.
If you're in a less than perfect relationship, it's easy to get down on yourself and feel like everyone's happy but you. With lots of holiday parties and alcohol flowing, it's no wonder that so many affairs occur around the holidays. Watch out for flirty friendships that become intensified by all the holiday exuberance. A kiss under the mistletoe can easily lead to more.
5. Give Yourself the Gift of Nookie.
This is my favorite tip of all. Stress and anxiety can put a major damper on your libido, as do overeating and excess drinking. As a sex therapist, I see countless couples getting stuck in holiday sex ruts, which spill over into the New Year.
A lack of intimacy amplifies all of the other triggers and negative behaviors we've been discussing earlier. But sex is healing and rejuvenating and can give you the strength and sense of connection you need to holiday-proof you relationship and get into a positive place. Sex is good for you. It relieves stress; boosts immunity, sex may even release feel-good chemicals called endorphins, and improves sleep. Being healthy will make you more effective at the office: Recent research by biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, Ph.D., suggests that people who enjoy regular sex may be more successful at work, possibly because sex can increase confidence and increase self-esteem.
So this holiday season, give your relationship the gift of nookie and start giving now. Sex is the gift that keeps on giving. ( foxnews.com )
Blog : Specific ActionsMoney. It's the No. 1 cause of divorce, and the No. 1 cause of anxiety around the holidays, especially for men. From the pressure to buy a partner that special gift to all the various presents for family and friends, many men are dreading how the holidays will hit the bottom line. This is also a time of year when guys are already worried about bonuses, raises and general year-to-come finances, so our anxiety-level around money is already high. So work together to create a budget now, agree to it and stick to it. Talk through the strategy. Decide how much you can afford to spend on gifts and other items. Think about ways to get creative and spend less. Get on the same team around a holiday budget.
2. There's a Grinch Under That Smile.
Lots of guys tell me they feel an enormous pressure to be happy during the holidays, but inside they actually feel like the Grinch who stole Christmas. As a society, we have a cultural vision of how the holidays are supposed to be celebrated, but very few of us had that idealized experience growing up, and more than likely you're in a relationship with someone whose vision of the holidays is not the same as yours. Your ideal holiday might involve listening to carols, buying a giant Christmas tree and watching re-runs of Rudolph, but the person you're with finds that totally exasperating. Remember: Your way of celebrating the holidays is not the only way. Have a talk with your partner: "What do the holidays mean to you, what do they mean to me?" This isn't just for new couples. Issues that seem superficial -- like what size Christmas tree to buy -- actually strike at a psychological core based on how we experienced the holidays as children, and what seems simple is actually quite complex.
3. Watch Out for the Abominable Mother-in-Law.
During the holidays we're often thrust together for several days with our extended family. Conflicts are bound to occur and issues that are present become intensified. Couples often complain to me post-holiday about partners who didn't stand up for them --"as soon as he's in the room with his mother, he becomes a little boy again and takes her side on everything." During the holidays, one of the best gifts you can give to your partner is to protect him/her from toxic family members and defend him/her during clashes.
4. Don't Blame the Mistletoe.
If you're in a less than perfect relationship, it's easy to get down on yourself and feel like everyone's happy but you. With lots of holiday parties and alcohol flowing, it's no wonder that so many affairs occur around the holidays. Watch out for flirty friendships that become intensified by all the holiday exuberance. A kiss under the mistletoe can easily lead to more.
5. Give Yourself the Gift of Nookie.
This is my favorite tip of all. Stress and anxiety can put a major damper on your libido, as do overeating and excess drinking. As a sex therapist, I see countless couples getting stuck in holiday sex ruts, which spill over into the New Year.
A lack of intimacy amplifies all of the other triggers and negative behaviors we've been discussing earlier. But sex is healing and rejuvenating and can give you the strength and sense of connection you need to holiday-proof you relationship and get into a positive place. Sex is good for you. It relieves stress; boosts immunity, sex may even release feel-good chemicals called endorphins, and improves sleep. Being healthy will make you more effective at the office: Recent research by biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, Ph.D., suggests that people who enjoy regular sex may be more successful at work, possibly because sex can increase confidence and increase self-esteem.
So this holiday season, give your relationship the gift of nookie and start giving now. Sex is the gift that keeps on giving. ( foxnews.com )
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